All Done

18. adrianna-van-groningen-1455004-unsplash

All Done

 

I don’t allow myself to speak

 

I hold myself in silent self-

Excoriation, self-crucifixion

Remorseless in my self-

Castigation

 

AndI’m bored

 

I am so bored

And ready to throw

The whole thing into a Cuisinart

Chop it up

And feed it to a water buffalo

 

I am starting

To get angry with

And embarrassed by

These words

I want to break the seal

On my lips

Break the seal on my hips

Swirl into oblivion

 

(Is this even a poem?)

 

I feel more alive

When I bite hard into life

Bite until I feel the bone

 

Bite past hatred

And the gristle of grief

Bite right through

Bitter, harsh sinew and tissue

Bite hard teeth

Into my mother’s beliefs

 

And then sink

Deeper and deeper

Into the low, bloody tone

That hums in the marrow

And asks for quiet

 

I will be made of stone

Yet still bite with the fury of a riot

Into myself

Into kryptonite

 

I am drowned

In fat, stupid drops of pain

I am a storm of human rain

I’ll drench the earth with tears

UntilI am a ghost

And still I bite through

To what I seek most—

My fears

 

Now let me eat doubt

Let me swallow shame

Let me hold the volcano

Of my unspeakable self

Down

And let me rest

In ash and flame

 

When I bite through me

All the way through

I can see that we are much the same

Me and you

 

That all my rage and hatred

Was never wasted

 

It was always just myself

I tasted

 

By Julie Flanders

Photo by Adrianna van Groningen

#octoberprojectmusic
#julieflanderspoetry
#aprilispoetrymonth

 

 

APRIL IS POETRY MONTH, Day 18

 

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About octoberprojectmusic

Julie Flanders Marina Belica Emil Adler
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