And then I compared
You with me
Height, youth
Nails, hair
Just the things I could see
You are
That I will never be
But
Could you write a poem?
Could you win me in a dare?
You could steal my husband
That is some dress
You decided to wear
When I am so jealous
I turn green
I feel my skin
Hard and metal
As an old machine churning
Its unoiled parts
I look at you
And I see whole kingdoms
Of broken hearts
I will never be able to
Compete with that
I will never be
Young, sweet
Smart, strong
And coming up to bat
I am on the other side
Of life’s roller coaster
I am the bread that got cooked
And then left in the toaster
I am the butter
That has to be scraped
From the butter dish
The bones
That didn’t quite get picked
Out of the fish
Before it was served
I am old-ish
I am the car
Without power steering
That swerved
To avoid hitting
A wall of fog
Or cement that curved
Around some hidden bend
I am a bog
A hollow log in the rain
I am a bitter fountain
Of complain
Sometimes I still pretend
I will like what I see
In the mirror
That I will wake up
Soft and juicy
And full of spunk
Sometimes I embrace
The delusion
That I am a fresh doughnut
Ready to dunk
But then
I remember you
And I flunk
In my self esteem
Upending
My own dream
And I realize
I am still the swelling
Crumbs
That sank and dissolved
I am still sunk
I am the stale potato
Growing green bits
I am the smell
Left over
After the skunk
Lifts its tail
I am the sad, mean
Tooth-loosing monk
With the dirty pail
Who shaves her head
Because her hair
No longer matters
And gives away her ponytail
So a poorer person
Can make a wig
I am the grub-digger
Eating bugs
I am the stuff that collects
Under rugs
That’s how close I feel
To dead
When I look at you
You take
Whatever good is left
Of me
And that is everything
You steal
But how do you feel?
For that’s what really matters
That’s what stays un-cracked
When my looking glass shatters
I’ll smile and I’ll ask
How are you?
That will be my task
I will make you
My spiritual freedom teacher
I will assign you
To myself
I will pretend that you are
Someone I could love
If I could
Only love myself
Let me learn
To love you
Let me learn
To share this world
To let you win
To be that girl
That one
They will always choose
Let me lose
Let me learn
To not compare
Let me suffer this
And still choose
Love
Let me choose
To dare
By Julie Flanders
Photo By Debora Cardenas
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